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On Sunday, I went to a concert with my boyfriend. A mutual friend was there with her boyfriend, and she and I spent a little time talking about polyamory. She and I have the most similar situations – both being in long-term relationships with specific compatibility issues. In my opinion, she has been more responsible about poly than how I started out. But something struck me in our conversation.

There was a moment when I realized how utterly normal poly feels. Hanging out with both of my men doesn’t feel weird or unusual anymore. Being at this concert with my boyfriend was unremarkable to my mutual friend as well. Then… then there are the other times, the moments where the entire structure seems surreal. Lately it has been small moments, like when my husband asks how my boyfriend is doing – or when we are all sitting together, hanging out at a restaurant or on a game night. I have these moments where my brain kind of flips and all I can think is “is this real?”

I find the second moments grow less and less as time goes on, but they are still there.