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Dating in the era of social media is hard. I’ve been with my partner for 12 years. Back then social media was LiveJournal and probably MySpace.  It was optional, and lots of people didn’t use it.

Now, it’s everywhere. When my ex and I broke up, I unfollowed him. I didn’t see his posts and I left it up to him to block or unfollow me (eventually his behavior made me uncomfortable with staying FB connected).  Of course nothing stops me from looking at his public posts. Hell, if he knows this is my blog (he was never interested in my blog or the articles I was writing when we dated- so I’m assuming he’s never looked this blog).  But I guess he could read this. 

I try not to look. Sometimes I do, and that’s always a mistake.  He’s convinced himself that I “never loved him.” It becomes a fascinating look into perspective.  As my perspective is that he never loved me enough to stop hurting me.  He said and did things that I clearly expressed hurt me, but he didn’t stop. I don’t think he even tried. 

He’s going to rewrite what happened to make himself the one “wronged.” It makes me sad because he’ll  repeat this failed strategy forever.  He can think “I never loved him,” but he’s missing the fact that his behavior broke my heart and was going to break me.  My options were to stay and be hurt, have my feelings and views disregarded or to leave. 

The problem is with social media, I know I shouldn’t look… But sometimes I do.

*addendum* I realize that even after we’ve broken up, he’s still doubting my clearly stated feelings. He used to gas light me about my feelings all the time. It was one of the factors that led to me leaving him*